So I call to tell him happy birthday.
He’s playng with his cousin Cameron.
Kelli says “Gabriel, do you want to talk to Lisa?”
Apparently Cameron says ‘who is lisa’ and he says “Just this girl that comes to my house sometimes and stays here all day.”
Like, what the eff Gabe. I know he wasn’t being mean. But is that all I am to you? :’( better step up my fake parenting skills.
Remember the 2nd time we had sex we high fived and said “7/11” and you said “We’re such nerds.” But we laughed and hugged.
I didn’t contact you today.
Didn’t even creeper stalk.
Because my therapist made me realize this week I love you and because I love you, I’m going to respect your desires to be happy with someone else. The last few weeks have been rough with news. And a dude that doesn’t give a fuck.
You blocked me completely so I could feel better, right? I do a lot—most days. I am so thankful to you. You’re why I went back to therapy. It strengthened my relationship with my dad. I think you also made me a better girlfriend. I don’t know.
Can’t believe you sent me our sex tapes on 11/7. <3 Funny how much has changed, eh? I know it’s wrong and your anniversary was like 2 days later, but honestly—part of me hopes you watched us have amazing sex today too. I’m sure I overwhelmed you in the videos, too. I could hear it when you got quiet when I listened today. But you were a fantastic lover. Now that I know how to squirt, it’d have been even better. Another place, another time.
I’m trying to move on. But nostalgia is super hard for me. Especially now that I’m in a place where we could have worked. Le sigh. Oh well, right? The heart is a lonely hunter and the universe knows best. I hope you’re happy with an awesome job, great house, and wonderful girlfriend.
The hopeless romantic in me hopes sometimes you check my blog just to see what I’m up to. I mean if Josh did when we hated each other, maybe you do too. I doubt it, but maybe. So I write these to you from time to time.